Nope, this is not another engagement post.

This summer has brought a huge life change for me; a change that has been difficult, emotional, scary, educational, and eye opening. At the beginning of this summer, I found out that I was pregnant.

When I found out about my pregnancy, I had a very hard decision to make that I spent a lot of time, energy, and emotions on in order to make the best decision for myself. The decision to continue or to end the pregnancy was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I am thankful, one, for my family and close friends who were extremely supportive towards whatever decision I was to make. This decision making process could have been A TON harder had it not been for people listening to my fears and desires for my future, and for that I am so grateful. I also am thankful that I live in a country that gives me the right to make that choice as well as provides me with (somewhat) equal ability and resources to make a decision that life changing. (Progress still is to be made!)

After I made the decision to continue my pregnancy, I was, and to be honest, some days still am, very ashamed of what my life looks and will look like. However, I understand that life as I have known it is no longer about just me, and I thought of what it would look like to look back and feel that my mom was ashamed of her decisions which resulted with me, and I feel that I can no longer live being dragged down by the shame of my past decisions. I wanted to post this because I no longer feel that it is something I should hide or feel guilty about. I have also come around to really be ready to love and care for this new alien.

I understand that I will be doing this parent life, which will include a lot of Kraft Mac-N-Cheese, popsicles, and guidance from Lorelai Gilmore (because that is all I know at the moment, kidding!), by myself as a college grad student living off a pretty non-existent income with a professional volleyball player sized savings (LOL), but I have the support of my family and friends, as well as the faith that my hard work and trust in this new life path will end up being a silver lining. I am totally scared most days and completely unaware of what the future holds for me and this new addition (plus bonus hormones!), but I know that I will do my best to raise the most bad ass and most loved kid out there (while finishing grad school and staying half sane… I might write a book).

I know this pregnancy was not a part of my plan that I had for this time in my life, but I have embraced this life change to make sure that this kid knows he/she never was and never will be unwanted. Although I have been doing this alone, because of my family and close friends – I have never really felt completely alone, and for that I am so indescribably grateful. All of the calls, texts, pregnant lady jokes, sending me pizza, and just being there to listen means so much. Also, thanks to my sister Taylor, who lives with me and is ALWAYS there (whether she wants to be or not ha!), and who doctors constantly confuse as my husband (not because of her looks but because of our shared last name). If you have any questions or want to know the truth of what happens to you after 4 months of being pregnant (like what a day without 3+ cups of coffee is like), please feel free to reach out!

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18 thoughts on “Nope, this is not another engagement post.

  1. Ginny kopperl says:

    Lexi!! This is beautiful! You are going to be a wonderful mom! I can’t wait to see this beautiful baby and hold her because I think it’s a girl! You are so right! There is nothing to be ashamed of and this beautiful baby has been known by God since the beginning of time The Bible says he knows us in the womb! How are you feeling? Any cravings? Love you! Aunt Ginny.

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    • Aunt Ginny, Thank you so much! This is very sweet! I am feeling pretty good, at my mom’s to vacation a little before school starts! Really no crazy cravings yet – probably tomatoes and mozzarella, but that was always a food love of mine πŸ™‚ Ill let you know if I get any crazy ones!

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  2. terri says:

    Lexi, you are a strong and brave woman! God has given you a gift (albeit it may not seem like it at times!). Keep God foremost in your life and all will be fine. Thank you for choosing life!

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  3. Anja says:

    Lexinja! Congrats! ❀
    You don’t have to be perfect mom, no one is perfect, but you will do your best and you have such a wall behind you- family, who support you in every cases.
    And nice things – you’ll have a lot of energy, happiness and joy from this kid, and when he/she will grow you still will be young! πŸ˜‰
    I can’t believe my Yana grows so fast! I was 23, when she embrace my life πŸ™‚
    Enjoy your pregnancy time!

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    • Anja,
      Thank you so much. This is so nice, and Yana turned out so great, so I know you are telling the truth. HA! You are right, i’ll still be able to to active things with this kid and hang with the energy level of a child! πŸ™‚ I might not have to breast feed into a coke bottle tho heheh. Miss you! Hope you are doing so well. Love your dog!

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  4. Chris Coffey says:

    Lexie, in the world we live in, where it is so easy to end a life, I am very proud that you took the time to think and pray about your choices. You have a fantastic network of family and friends who will help you through the tough times, and rejoice with you over the good times. Your little one will bless you and all who come into contact with him/her. I know he/she will never feel unloved or unwanted. Prayers for you as you continue on this amazing, although sometimes uphill, journey.

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    • Thank you so much for the encouragement! It has been great having support and love from so many people during this kind of scary time! It makes it a lot easier. Thank you thank you thank you!

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  5. Tinamarie king says:

    Life is good and you have a great attitude !
    I will keep you in my heart and prayers as you learn enjoy your new little blessing

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  6. Lexi , I am friends with Gram Roberta, I know what an awesome Christian lady she is, she will be a wonderful source of help and support , as well as your mom, sister family and friends .
    My neice went through the same circumstance, did not want to marry the father, decided to keep the baby and raise her alone. Her mom and sister helped babysit while she finished school, now she is 2 yrs. old, just adorable, such a joy to everyone. God will get you through it, and love you for not ending that precious babies life.. all the best hon.. Charlotte lee

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    • Charlotte – Thank you so much for this message. Many days I wonder how the heck I am going to manage all of this, but it is so nice to read an encouraging message like this. I appreciate it! Thank you so much for the kind words.

      Lexi

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